Setting Boundaries: The key to setting boundaries is expectation, anticipation, and consistency.
Setting Boundaries
Part 2 EAC
The key to setting boundaries is expectation, anticipation, and consistency. We all know that there are times of the day when you know your child or children begin to display certain behaviors. It may be close to nap, perhaps a meal time, or bath time. As caregivers, we must acknowledge a child’s feelings, while simultaneously making them aware that they have responsibilities.
Having a routine can be the first step in minimizing problem behaviors.
There isn’t one way to create a routine or a sequence of events that is followed regularly, it can be whatever works for you and the child/children in your care.
A routine sets up expectations for your child, they develop an understanding that the day is divided into various activities that must be completed. The children know what to expect from their caregiver and what is expected of them. This tends to stabilize their moods resulting in increased comfort and trust.
Think of the things that you need to get done and where your child falls into the planning of those activities.
Once you have your daily routine set, anticipation becomes important. For the child, they begin to get a feel for what their day should look like. As a parent or caregiver, you’re aware of the times of the day when your child has difficulty. If you know that your child has a hard time with certain activities, give them extra time, get ready a little earlier.
During these transition times is when caregivers employ their tactics to prepare children for something new. In my classroom I use the phrases, 10 mins until…and 5 mins until…the children may not have a concept of time, but I am giving them something concrete and consistent to develop an awareness that once that time is up we will be moving on to something new.
Of course, like anything new, it will take time for the child to get on board, hence consistency. You must follow through…I repeat you must follow through. That is why a notice is given, I give the children an opportunity to continue their play with the knowledge that it will be ending soon.
The goal here is to decrease the feeling that they are being forced abruptly to stop their fun, the warning allows them to finish a drawing, make plans to continue something later, or communicate their feelings. During the “notice time” the children tend to ask about what will happen next, and typically they express their dislike or excitement for what’s planned.
It is important to acknowledge their concerns and give them the reason why whatever is coming up next has to happen. Something like, “I see you’re upset, but” or “I hear your words, but” once you give them the reason that’s it, don’t continue and have the communication turn into an argument. You can say, “I’m letting you know that A, B, and C.”
This is typically the point of a tantrum and where you must be tough. Again, you acknowledge the child’s feelings and inform them that when they’re ready to use their words, or when they’re bodies are calm to come to you.
Important information to think about, do not threaten the child with something that is inevitable, if there is something that you’re going to do no matter if your child does what you ask of them or not, that is not a good bargaining chip.
Because all you’re telling them is that it doesn’t matter whether you listen to me we still did what I said you couldn’t do. Again, it’s all about follow through, you said they can’t have screen time until they do “A”, if they do not do “A” do not give them screen time.
Remember setting boundaries is all about expectation, anticipation, and consistency. What do you expect from your child and what should they expect from you? Giving them a notice and the ability to anticipate what’s next. Finally, being consistent, following through on what you say to your children.
My next post will provide examples for putting these three concepts in action and how they have helped me in my 3-year-old classroom.
